Baba ka Funda#2

Why can't one blog frequently?



Its a trick question I'd say, but then what are bloggers here for. They got plenty of time and lots of free thoughts (free thinkers that they are) to go bamboozling to the world's end and tell people that there is a nice eating out place even at the end of the universe ! Or do they?

There are things we have to do , like saving the world, washing our underpants, feeding the mosquitoes with some of those poisonous baby food, rocking a non-rocking chair, going through cycles of eating and sleeping and in all this busy-ness finding those moments of nothingness when we can blog. But the fact is that when you have those moments of nothingness with you, you have nothing to blog about, cos the rest of the things have already gone past and for the moment you are just stuck with two (or maybe three) words "DON' PANIC"!

Don't Panic, you can blog, you can blog about nothing, or you can go on and blog about how to blog when you can not blog! Its a labyrinth for god's sake!

The thing is just like the history of every major galactic civilization (don't blame me) the his-story of every blogger goes through three distinct phases: How, Why, Where?

First comes the question of How do I blog? This is not one that concerns many. The reason why there are more than a million blogger out there. So unless you still living in the stone age, you pretty much have the answer slapped to your face! (well we working on a different time line of sorts, the one where stone age was before you had windows to crash! )

Then comes the question of Why do I blog? This one does not come up for every one. There are few who never reach the stage. Its the same people who would blog about what i did today, Why I did it and why cant you do it.

Its the bloggers who never evolve beyond the states of artistic sense of Bill Clinton's. These are the kind of people who would blog about things of the level: "how cuteeeeeee babis are", " why they hate the rains for no particular reason that they get them wet" (Ha! if you say you hate getting wet while clothed on, I'd buy ..but just wet ..neah ! ), "the list of 100 things i like" (thank you very much, I'll stop by at the next super store which opens up to cater to you!), "Why my best friends wedding was amazing" (yay! it had to be, the chap got married, not crucified!..but what was in it for us to know? ) , " Why I hate some particular movie just because it made me cry and I did'nt like the ending " (Hey! next time we'll ask Hollywood directors to outsource to Bollywood ka 'studs'!..or maybe better the ones you take to be !)..and the ones who would go ahead completing this list!

But those of us who advance beyond the industrial revolution, those who come to critique communism and capitalism alike, and those who for the good or the bad have had a philosophical thinking even about doors music, decide we need to answer this question and that is when seed for such a post are sown.

It is in such times when a blogger goes without blogging for over a month and then after a 2592000 seconds (see Baba even calculated that ..haha!) hiatus returns to it, he must answer the one final question to become a regular true blogger . Where must I blog?

The answer my friend is flowing in the wind, its flowing in the wind. well..so "Go catch it! ". I'll again end my sermon, with just a few iron words: " To blog regularly you almost need to have a way to blog every time you feel like blogging, else it ..kaboom! ..blah! you won't feel like blogging ..you do not feel like choosing that one moment of the day, which triggered another Pompei in your head. Something you think people should go on and read and say ..Blah! "

And that brings us to the second round of evolution..back to the question of How to blog anytime every time?


'sab Baba ke fundae hain yaar'

Baba ka Thanda#4

Of Poetry and 'Pot'tery ;)


"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

(Dead Poets Society)


While I continue writing my continually worsening verse of life, One of the pottery inspired Poetry of Baba's must find its way through to all those who wish not just to sit on their precious bottoms and contemplate who shall win the 350th game of a sport developed by 'nothing-th' of a millionth race just to entertain them before they make way for nothing-plus-one-th race that follows them to rule the planet that shall no more be.


Of dying love, O loving Hate!
I my poetry in vain create
just for you, to on my epitaph engrave
those who shall me cremate
"here lay a naive knave
who we so lovingly hate!"

-- Baba !

I solemnly pledge that I am under influence of no weed, and for god sakes I do write some serious Blahs also !!


'sab Baba ke fundae hain yaar'

Baba ka Thanda#3

The plight of Mood Indigo* Choir Group Members
(at least of the Baba and his very sexy partner in crime :D)



Well, we# are all stuck with draining finances and we don't even get free lunches around here in Mumbai !!





*Mood Indigo : The not so indigo fest of a very much indigo institute with nothing indigo in it !

#we=21 members of a team who must get 'indigoed' for over 200 days to put up 96 hrs of fun for a probable audience which we exaggerate to be around 5000 dozen people!

Baba ka Thanda#2

From Pop's state to Pop Tates!



Mere priye bhakt jano! The delayed post is solely because of the secret mission baba was on . Tough it is top secret, Baba knows how not to let anyone know what he speaks of while he tells them every minutest detail from the level of a microscopic bacteria on elephant back to major details like the DNA structure of towels, maybe thats what they call 'confusing'.

So my netizens, hooligans, and men without guns, throughout the mission, from my briefing to the time I faithfully thanked my good old lord for having brought me back safely to my bad keyboard and a smudged monitor, lots of dark and dangerous things happened.

The mission objectives were clear, go test a hippie joint named Pop Tates and check if they are serving any form of hippie converting potions mixed in their drinks. And the method was crude: Drink it and find out !

But braving against all odds, not fearing that he might end up becoming like one of those who can not tell apart an ant from a fly, who use words like 'crap to describe anything from their poop to their mother's talks, who ogle at every Brit-knee mannequin and get sloshed on three scores of water based solution of beer, Baba tested and tasted as much of it as he could. And to say the least. It was fine! Blah! there was nothing to it, except that there were lots of hippies in all directions, and that was more a freaking thought, but besides that it was just as good as a decapitated wannabe !

So now that I rest after having accomplished the mission, I must tell you of one thing in little detail. There are three kinds of ways to drink, drink beer, drink beer + liqueur and drink liqueur only, and while I give preference to none, the first one is good to get you decently well out of your senses and yet leave you a de-cent man!

Baba ka Danda#1

LOL( [b]Lah only [b]Lah)

We were born in an age when the gates to moderniastion had been opened wide, we wet our fancy pants in neighborhoods with shouting colour televisions and probably most of us learnt our first lessons at handling the 21st century calculating machine in time invaded by pop culture!

So while we were at it, the human language was under-going a major change. It was transforming into its new 'avatar', rather it has today truly transmogrified into this new form, which slowly spreads all over the globe, uniting all with words of wisdom like: LOL!! Blah!!

So every time one of you uses that acrobatic maneuver of yours, to skip through a few words that normal English would require for you to put across your thoughts, and you use LOL, you annoy a short tempered monster slaying hero inside me, who has dedicated his life to ridding this world of satanic sinister elements like you, Britney Spears, Shakira, and blondes!

(The latter three shall be granted pardon and their sins condoned if they decide not to speak again and indulge in love making activities with my neighbor's dog, which when taped and sold on the root cause of all evil, this very internet shall let me make enough money to carry out my evil plans of qorld domination!)

So my dears mitras, when you all decided to use this word, or whatever it is, LOL, so frequently in response to most things that just qualify for being close to passable, did you know what it means?

Yes I agree that aap sab Einstein ki aulaad hain, and all of you know that it means (Laughs out Lout), but my dear friends for the sake of Mr Shake-spear's Siamese cat's left bottom,you do not laugh out loud at every second thing in places outside chat-rooms. Now do you ?


So when you beam out at me with a lol in a chat box these are few of the things that run thru my head for what that acronym might mean at that very instant!

Baba: Man Schumi is on a winning spree, Alonso ki toh..
George Michael: LOL (Lame old Loser) ..you still watching a lot of F1 eh?

Baba: So you single or got 'busy' ?
Britney: LOL(Lesbian on Line) ..still kinda single

Baba: Hey man thanks a ton for you help.
Back-street Boy: LOL(Lame old leeches)....yeah dont mention it

Baba: So how much you earning? making a lot of money eh?
Loser: LOL(Life on Loans)..no man not much

Baba: How was your first date eh ? ;)
Shakira: LOL(Lots of Licking)..it wasn't a date!

! Die Hippies Die !

The man who used the acronym for the first time was not a criminal. Rather had he started some sort of an award to felicitate the dumb people who over-used LOL, he might have as well gone down in history as the next Alfred Nobel. Coz hey, Nobel also just invented dynamite, he never knew where and how it gonna be used. LOL!! Blah !

'sab Baba ke fundae hain yaar'

Baba ka Thanda #1

Baba ka Hum-blah!



Well it is an overwhelming thought that in about 96 hours I shall be back in my own room sipping some Bourbon(can do with Romanov also) , thinking about the relevance of this 96 and its resemblance to 69, and again giving out my new found 'Gyan' to all!

But what is more thought provoking is that my lessons with 'Ahimsa' are over, and the enlightenment I have had, has lead me to the path of Self-Liberation though constant Agitation! So now if you slap me on one cheek, I shall not refrain from decapitating you and serving your nuts to the soon attacking Martians who have in any case decided to have you 'genitals' for lunch, or maybe break-fast!

Not that earlier , before everything was 'chamkaoed' to me by a not so sudden flash, I would have offered you my other cheek. I would have out of my hospitality for the coming Martians, just have kicked you in the groin and let fate decide if Martians got fresh nuts or dead meat ones!

But now the Martians shall not taste your genitals in their present form if out of just adventurous nature of yours you give it a thought to stepping on to my wrong side!

So sorry my Martian subscribers, especially Mr.M-livara, we hope you shall find better eat-out joints than planet earth. A more peaceful planet where peace grows and not hatred and anger, and where people are taken like sane people, at least ones like me who do not like being 'labeled'!, the others can wait !


'sab Baba ke fundae hain yaar'

Blah!

Blah-sphemy avoided!!

I was about to continue blogging my usual way, and it is then that I realised that with this blog to supposedly be my one blog to be updated daily(or almost), I should let my readers know what I shall be putting across to them.

So lets get you all acquainted with my terminology.

I post either my Fundae, Thandae aur Dande!

Fundae are like very simple rules of life, well that would be an exaggeration, so lets pit them at being more like guidelines to those who need to be taught things like how to head bang, how to tell the difference between wine and alcohol, and things of similar stature.

Thandae are like my daily dose of my own life. Boring at times, but I try my best to actually render it in a readable manner.Documented pieces of fiction with no coincidences and full resemblance to all the characters mentioned and even the ones not mentioned!

Dandae are the rare posts that shall feature on this blog. These are like the straight forward messages to the pricks, blondes, and hippies around me and the ones around you.

So with the labels to guide you choose what insensible post you want to make sense out of, and we shall have a nice time together.


The more literate of the people would have actually picked up the phonetic word play there but for the uninitiated heres the unadulterated euphemism :

Fundae= Fun day
Thandae=Thunk day
Dandae=Done day

Bolo : 'Baba ki jai ho!'

Baba ka Funda #1

How to lose a Guy in 10 days(of you trail)?




Well lets just say unless he has an IQ level below Britney Spears then it wouldnt be that difficult. All that a descendant of the Cleopatra and/or Helena has to do is go on and be the usual smug, girly* self and she'd easily be able to pull out one of those slimy sickening tricks which will get a poor bloke hitting the road.

So there actually isn't much to it.! Why bother ! BLAH!!

girly [g'-err-lee] (adj.)

- A behavior phonetically marked by extraa vowels in, before and/or at the end of words: creeeeeeeeeppy, aaaaaaaaaaaaww, oooooooouuuuuch, youuuuuuuuuuu, soooooooooooooooooo, and many more.
- A behavior theoretically marked with cynicism that only men who have an eye for subtlety can explicate on!
- A behavior practically marked by impracticality
- A behavior as 'inexplicable' as the theory of increase in factors leading to diminishing of randomness among the flaorola sapiens of the meunemaptoopa solar system in the jhoomjemba galaxy, in a systematic manner!

Rest of its Blah!!



So bhai logon if you wondering ki why this random post, there are reasons behind it, and they are as complicated as wheels withing wheels! Firstly I was, am and would be watching the movie by this name within 2 hours radius round bout this time moment in the time plain, and besides the earth is coming to an end in some time, and it is utmost necessary that every man should share with other worthy living carriers of human gene, the answers to mysteries such as this one and many more which shall follow.

'sab Baba ke fundae hain yaar'

Blah!

Baba Blahack Sheep

Men, women and those who choose to differ on the uniqueness of a sexual identity, Welcome to Baba Blahack Sheep's Blog!

The most dis-reputed member of any god damn family in the world, the most un-celebrated champion of dis-likability, with the a knack of sharing things through the written word with you all white sheep of the city !





I might not be correct the first time, maybe not even the second time, or maybe not even after zillion times you have taken my advice, but you shall in the process realise that , there is something to be realised and that is the underlying truth of all human endeavors that "Realisation is not Real" . It's pretty complex.

So all my merry men and yet to marry women, come and let the Baba sermonize on the true meaning of life!

Bolo: Baba ki Jai Ho !!!